„You know that things aren't going well for you when you can't even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they'll presume you're asking them to feel sorry for you.“

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anglický romanopisec 1957
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„If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh; otherwise they'll kill you.“

—  George Bernard Shaw Irish playwright 1856 - 1950
Credited to Shaw in the lead in to the mockumentary C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America (2004) and other recent works, but this or slight variants of it are also sometimes attributed to W. C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, and Oscar Wilde. It might possibly be derived from Shaw's statement in John Bull's Other Island (1907): "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world." Another possibility is that it is derived from Shaw's characteristic of Mark Twain: "He has to put things in such a way as to make people who would otherwise hang him believe he is joking." Variants: If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you. If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you.

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„Whenever you interview fat people, you feel bad, because you know you're not going to hire them.“

—  James D. Watson American molecular biologist, geneticist, and zoologist. 1928
As quoted in "Nobel Winner's Theories Raise Uproar in Berkeley", by Tom Abate, San Francisco Chronicle (13 November 2000) http://www.sfgate.com/science/article/Nobel-Winner-s-Theories-Raise-Uproar-in-Berkeley-3236584.php

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„Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Etiam egestas wisi a erat. Morbi imperdiet, mauris ac auctor dictum.“