„people will tell you were they have gone, they'll tell you where to go, but until you get there for yourself you never really know.“

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Joni Mitchellová1
kanadská písničkářka a malířka 1943

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„If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh; otherwise they'll kill you.“

—  George Bernard Shaw Irish playwright 1856 - 1950
Disputed, Credited to Shaw in the lead in to the mockumentary C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America (2004) and other recent works, but this or slight variants of it are also sometimes attributed to W. C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, and Oscar Wilde. It might possibly be derived from Shaw's statement in John Bull's Other Island (1907): "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world." Another possibility is that it is derived from Shaw's characteristic of Mark Twain: "He has to put things in such a way as to make people who would otherwise hang him believe he is joking." Variants: If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you. If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you.

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„When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.“

—  Thomas Sowell American economist, social theorist, political philosopher and author 1930
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„If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.“

—  Virginia Woolf English writer 1882 - 1941
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„Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH“

—  Maddox American internet writer 1978
The Best Page in the Universe, Pranks to try on people in the hospital! http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=jokes

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„Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Etiam egestas wisi a erat. Morbi imperdiet, mauris ac auctor dictum.“