Bruce Lansky citáty

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Bruce Lansky

Datum narození: 1. červen 1941

Bruce Lansky je americký spisovatel a humorista.


„Čím inteligentnější je žena, tím hloupější je její výběr partnerů.“

„My Teacher Sees Right Through Me

I didn’t do my homework.
My teacher asked me, “Why?”
I answered him, “It’s much too hard.”
He said, “You didn’t try.”
I told him, “My dog ate it.”
He said, “You have no dog.”
I said, “I went out running.”
He said, “You never jog.”

I told him, “I had chores to do.”
He said, “You watched TV.”
I said, “I saw the doctor.”
He said, “You were with me.”

My teacher sees right through my fibs,
which makes me very sad.
It’s hard to fool the teacher
when the teacher is your dad.“


„Do not oversleep and miss the school bus-
you'll be late.
That's a habit teachers generally
don't appreciate.
Never tell your friends at school
that you still wet your bed.
They are sure to tease you,
and you'll wish that you were dead.

Never call your teacher a name
when she's not near you.
Teachers' ears are excellent,
so they can always hear you.

Do not read a textbook when your hands
aren't clean-it's tricky
to separate the pages when the pages
get real sticky.
When you go out for a team
it's always wise to practice.
When you are a substitute,
the bench can feel like cactus.

Do not copy homework from a friend
who is a dummy.
If you do, I'm sure that you
will get a grade that's crummy.

And if your report card's bad,
don't blame it on your buddy.
Kiss up to your parents quick,
or they might make you study.“

„What I Found in My Desk

A ripe peach with an ugly bruise,
a pair of stinky tennis shoes,
a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,
a swimsuit that I left to dry,
a pencil that glows in the dark,
some bubble gum found in the park,
a paper bag with cookie crumbs,
an old kazoo that barely hums,
a spelling test I almost failed,
a letter that I should have mailed,
and one more thing, I must confess,
a note from teacher: Clean This Mess!!!!“

„Too Busy

I've folded all my laundry
and put it in the drawer.
I've changed my linen, made my bed,
and swept my bedroom floor.
I've emptied out the garbage
and fixed tomorrow's lunch.
I've baked some cookies for dessert
and given dad a munch.

I've searched the house for pencils
and sharpened every one.
There are so many things to do
when homework must be done.“

„If you want to go to the ball, go.“ Happily Ever After

„Parenting: Nobody really wants the job, but everybody thinks they can do better.“

„I can’t possibly go to school today,” Michelle pouted, “I have nothing to wear.” Her“ The Girl Who Wanted to be a Princess

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