Jeremy Clarkson citáty

„Auta jsou jedny z nejvíce opojných, nejkrásnějších věcí, které kdy lidstvo vytvořilo.“

„Škoda je de facto hromada německých součástek smontovaných Petrem Čechem - Dokonalá kombinace.“

„V dnešní době stačí, abyste se jen zmínili, že máte rádi auta – čímž chcete říct, že kdybyste vyhráli v loterii, koupili byste si Ferrari – a osoba, se kterou se bavíte, od vás s křikem uteče. - Léta s Top Gear“

„Pokud s něčím, co jsem napsal, nesouhlasíte, netrapte se tím. Nejspíš už s tím nesouhlasím ani já sám.“

„"Když dnes přijedete na nějakou filmovou premiéru, okamžitě se k vám vrhne pomatená holka s mikrofónem a ptá se: "Jakou značku nosíte?" Jenže já žádnou značku nenosím, ty náno. Mám na sobě to co jsem ráno našel pohozené u postele."“

„Právě jsem dosáhl maximální rychlosti… Uvnitř budovy!“

„Když dnes vjíždíte do nějaké vesnice, většinou vás vítá blikající cedule s údajem o vaší rychlosti. Toť jistě náramně užitečné… ale ještě užitečnější by byla cedule, která by vám ukazovala, nakolik vypadáte jako kretén.
Dokonce jsem i vymyslel název takového záření - Pakometr.“

„Možná​ si říkáte, že když už jsem celých dvaapadesát let úplný budižkničemu - možná až na úspěchy ve slovní kopané - měl jsem dost času naučit se prohrávat. Stydím se to přiznat, ale já to stále neumím.“

„Jak říkají Rusové, chování způsobuje, že Britové přijdou pozdě.“

„Cítím se na devatenáct. Myslím, že mám tělo jako devatenáctiletý. Přijde mi, že na devatenáct i vypadám. Vlastně to, že mi už devatenáct není, mi dochází jen tehdy, když se snažím chovat, jako kdyby mi devatenáct pořád bylo.“

„Ne ne ne. Neexistuje nic tak levného a veselého. Je to levné a ošklivé a drahé a veselé.“

„(Recenze Honda Insight 1.3 IMA SE Hybrid) Je hrozné. Biblicky hrozné. Možná to nejhorší auto, které si můžete koupit. Je to první auto, o kterém jsem kdy uvažoval, že s ním narazím do stromu, abych ho už nemusel řídit.“

„Jak všichni víme, prohrávat je mnohem lepší než vyhrávat. Zaprvé to
vyžaduje mnohem méně fyzické námahy. Když chcete vyhrát utkání
tenisu nebo ve squashi, musíte se opravdu snažit a stojí vás to hodne
behání a potu.“

„Existuje však jedna automobilka, která nikdy neztratila ze zřetele svou roli na trhu. Rolls-Royce. Sir Henry Royce, který společnost v roce 1904 založil, byl skutečně mužem na slovo vzatým. "Snažte se o dokonalost ve všem, co děláte. Nic nepřijímejte jako téměř správné nebo dostatečně dobré. Kvalita zůstane dlouho poté, co se zapomene na cenu."“

“Cars are some of the most intoxicating, most beautiful things ever forged by mankind.”

“How hard can it be?”

“No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.”

“Let's be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It's a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.”

“There is, however, one car company that has never lost sight of its role in the marketplace. Rolls-Royce. Sir Henry Royce, who founded the company back in 1904, really was a one-man quote machine. "Strive for perfection in everything you do." "Accept nothing as nearly right or good enough." "The quality remains long after the price is forgotten."”

“Some say that no machine conceived to kill could ever be called beautiful. Magnificent, maybe, and awesome perhaps. But not beautiful. The thing is though that in the battleship's short life of just 90 years it turned out to be a less effective killing machine than amost any other weapon of war. All they did was steam around the oceans, making the people who paid for them feel good.”

“Small boys everywhere know that in a fight between Superman, James Bond and the Terminator, James Bond would win. Well, it's the same story in Star Wars. In a fight between the Enterprise, Stingray, Thunderbird 2 and the Millennium Falcon, the Falcon would reign supreme. It just would. The end.”

“Italy's youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that's because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages.”

“The engine sounds like Victorian plumbing — it looks like Victorian plumbing as well, to be honest.”

“Fast, truly exciting cars are being killed off so that pretty soon the officers will all be gone, leaving us with a field full of enlisted men.”

“There's one other thing too. No car can truly be great unless it's a Ferrari.”

“It is almost impossible to win a VC. In the hundred-and-fifty years since it was created, the number of British and Commonwealth troops who've seen action is in the tens of millions, but only 1,351 of them have been awarded the Victoria Cross. The chances of surviving a VC action are just one in ten, but if you do survive, the medal can never be taken away from you. You can go to the gallows wearing it. And no matter how many letters you have after your name, VC always comes first.”

“Can we be honest for a moment. You didn't have a good Christmas, did you? Your turkey was too dry, your kids spent all day glued to their internets, and you didn't bother watching the Big Christmas Film because you've owned it for years on DVD. What you should have had to liven things up was my mother. She arrived at my house with a steely resolve that the Christmas holidays would be exactly like the Christmas holidays she enjoyed when she was a child. Only without the diphtheria or the bombing raids.”

“As Russians say, manners maketh the British late. ”

“They were out of ideas after just five miles. The Royal Navy vessel had approached unseen, fired unseen, and simply disappeared”

“If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3).”

“What foreigners like most about Britain is not multiculturalism or tolerance or any of that new Labour nonsense. No, what they like is our history. Shakespeare. Blenheim Palace. Soldiers in preposterous hats who don't move. Yes, they may go and see some dead dogs in a modern art gallery but that's only because they've spent the morning on top of a sightseeing bus and they're freezing.”

“You really could call the new TVR Cerbera heavy metal were it not fashioned from plastic. The best way to experience this car is to be about seven miles away. As it comes toward you, it's like being in a horror movie. The monster is getting closer. The Thing. The Blob. Terror has no shape. But God, what a noise.”

“The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this… almost nothing on Earth is as good as this… Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz… and some honey… then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.”

“First off, the whole point of airborne troops is surprise: you don't know they're coming until they're there. But because Cain arrived 24 hours after the first wave, the surprise was gone. And to make matters worse, the landing zone was some eight miles from the bridge. So, thanks to some incompetent planning by the top brass in England, the Germans knew that Cain and his men were coming, they knew where he landed, they knew where he was going, and they had the wherewithal to do something about it.”

“I simply don't understand why the Nobel academy gave him a peace prize or why Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh gave him a new garden. And I don't see why he should be given a statue in Trafalgar Square, either. If we're after someone who stands up for the oppressed, what about Jesus? I feel fairly sure he never blew up a train.”

“The Flying Scotsman was the first train, ever, to do 100 MPH. 147 tons doing the ton.”

“Hurricane Katrina didn't just knock a few bricks from the fabric of a levee. More importantly, it knocked a few bricks also from the notion that America is a shining beacon of hope for a troubled world.
It isn't. It's a house of straw. With no education to glue that straw together.”

“Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.”

“It's no more daunting in there than in a Georgian drawing room. You sit on a supremely comfortable chair- it'd be even better if it were a wingback, I'm surprised it's not- overlooking acres of leather and wood. You're never tempted, as you are in a Maybach, to push a button just to find out what it does. And then having to spend the rest of the journey trying to find which button undoes whatever the first button did. This makes for a hugely relaxing drive. So relaxing, in fact, that you sometimes forget that you're in a car. I did.”

“It’s terrible. Biblically terrible. Possibly the worst new car money can buy. It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.”

“You get the picture. And so did BMW. When they bought the company they could have fitted a new body to one of their 7 Series. That's what Mercedes did to create the Maybach. But instead of wandering around the BMW spare-parts division saying, "What do we want?" the engineers fired up their computers and asked, "What do we need?". Plainly they looked at what Henry Royce and Charles Rolls were trying to achieve a hundred years ago, and thought, "Zis is vot ve must do also."”

“Funnily enough, Daihatsu are one of the better interior stylists. God knows how they do it.”

“The greatest car ever should get out there and do the job, but it should do more besides, which is why I have to say it's the Ferrari 355. This car is as much a piece of sculpture as a lump of engineering. You could derive as much pleasure from putting it in your living room, where the piano used to be, and looking at it as you could from going for a drive.”