Josh Billings citáty

„Pes je jediné stvoření na světě, které vás miluje víc než sebe.“

„Říká se, že láska je slepá, ale já jsem se setkal s velkým množstvím zamilovaných dvojic, které kolem sebe viděly dvojnásob více, než jsem byl schopen vidět já.“

„Není lepší msty než odpuštění.“

„Sex je mystika vesmíru.“

„Z čeho se můžeš těšit dnes, neodkládej na zítřek.“

„Nejen v ekonomice, ale i v lásce je třeba krize, aby mohl nastat čas konjunktury.“

„Věrná láska - to nejsou stálé sympatie k tomu, kdo se ti dlouho líbí, ale kdo se ti trvale neprotiví.“

„Láska je kompromis mezi velkými ideály a malými možnostmi.“

„Jakkoli je pravda vzácná, nabídka mnohonásobně převyšuje poptávku.“

„Rada je jako ricinový olej: je snadné ho podávat, ale proklatě nepříjemné ho sám brát.“

„Na trhu s radami nabídka vždy silně převyšuje poptávku.“

„Mou jedinou milenkou je můj duch.“

„S lichotkami musíme zacházet jako s kolínskou - přivonět, ne polykat.“

“Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.”

“There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.”

“Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.”

“Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.”

“It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.”

“The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.”

“Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coquets, gone to seed. It iz our duty tew pray for them who revile and persekute us, but i dont kno az we are obliged tew let them kno it.”

“I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing unless thare waz a man or two around.”

“The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.”

“I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.”

“We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.”

“As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.”

“7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.”

“This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.”

“I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.”

“I don't beleave in fighting; i am solemly aginst it; but if a man gits teu fighting, i am also solemly aginst hiz gitting licked. After a fight iz once opened, all the virtew thare iz in it iz tew lick the other party.”

“Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go—travel that wa yourself.”

“When a man gits tew talking about himself, he seldum fails tew be eloquent, and often reaches the sublime.”

“Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.”

“When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy.”

“Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet.”

“I hav often heard ov men who had bekum disgusted with the world, and retired into solitude; but i hav never heard ov a kommitty ov our fust citizens waiting on them and asking them tew kum bak.”

“If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz money--a mere pimp tew hiz welth.”

“The wealth ov a person should be estimated, not bi the amount he haz, but bi the use he makes ov it.”

“The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.”

“When i see a poor, and proud aristokrat, purtiklar about punktillio, he alwus puts me in mind ov a drunken man, trieing tew walk a crack.”

“Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a man kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.”

“Them folks who are sudden, aint apt tew be solid; lively streams are alwus shallow.”

“I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.”